We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
