after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
