I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
