I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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