Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
