xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
