bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
