My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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