i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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