happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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