I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
