The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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