can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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