I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
