my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
