Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
