My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
