The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
