just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It's blow job season.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
