I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
