now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
