I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
