I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
