he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
