My hair reeks of homosexuality.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
