Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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