One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
