I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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