I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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