So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
