Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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