Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
