he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
