Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
