i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
