sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
