You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
