It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
