before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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