I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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