last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
