so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
