shes about as inviting as chlamydia
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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