I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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