When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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