some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
