I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My room smells like vodka and shame
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
