He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
