and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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