Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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