Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
