You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
